hathor_girl

"What did they say?" Sam asked, when Martouf came out from the room where the healers had examined him. She had been waiting just outside.

Martouf looked a bit dazed. He looked up when Sam talked to him, and gave her a weak smile. "Sorry, it's just all so confusing."

Sam smiled at him, and give his arm a squeeze. "I understand. Would you like to go have a cup of coffee, or tea, or something? That is, if you're free to go now."

He nodded. "They finished examining me, and are looking at the results. They would call me back when they had anything to tell me. Until then, I am free to do as I want, as long as I don't leave the base. So, yes, I'd like to go sit somewhere and talk - maybe drink a glass of juice or something."

Sam nodded. "Come then! We'll see if the mess hall has some sort of pie, or something too. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Martouf smiled a little wider. "Yes, that does sound very appealing."

Some hours later, Martouf was called to a briefing room. Sam followed, and was allowed to come listen to what the healers had to say too.

"Wait, so you're saying that you can treat Martouf so the block of Lantash will go away more or less immediately, but that Martouf will temporarily lose his memories again... that is what he has managed to remember again?" Sam asked.

"Yes, but it should only be temporarily, and then he will have all his memories back - as himself. Besides, Lantash will be able to help him regain his memories, and learn what has happened to them." Xulxu said.

"But what will happen to me? I mean the me me that I am right now?" Martouf asked.

"That person will disappear, presumable eventually become a memory. Why do you mind? That is not who you are."

"It sure feels as if it is right now!" Martouf exclaimed. "I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can do that."

"It will happen anyway. The block will dissolve. Lantash will again be able to talk to you and take control - and he will help you remember, that which you have not already come to remember. Surely this is what you wish? You are Tok'ra. You are a willing host. Do you not wish to return to the fight against the Goa'uld?" Xulxu asked.

"I... yes, yes, I suppose I do." Martouf looked pained. "I just need time...to get used to it."

"Of course. Martouf, you should take the rest of today and relax, get accustomed to it all." Malek said, wanting to reassure his friend. The friend he really missed and was unhappy didn't even remember him.

"Thank you." Martouf nodded. "I'd like that."

"I'm sorry about all of this." Sam said.

"I know. It's not your fault. I don't know who is at fault, but when I find out - if I find out...I am going to punish them!" Martouf exclaimed, with more fury than he usually expressed.

"I can't say I blame you." Sam gave him a weak smile. "And I promise you I will help you, if there is any way I can."

"Thank you." He took her hands in his. They were quiet for some time, just sitting there. Then Martouf spoke again. "What worries me most in all this...no, what scares me...it's not even losing who I am. Yes, that too, but part of me realizes this personality is just that. An act. Someone I pretend to be. I just wonder why I decided to be an actor from Earth." He smiled wryly. "What scares the living hell out of me is the thought of how I will react when I - for a short time - is back to only remembering what I remembered before that Goa'uld shot me. When I am again the actor JR Bourne...and the block that stops Lantash from talking to me and taking control...when that block goes away. I am afraid how I will react. I will panic, I'm sure...and...Lantash...he is my friend, but I don't remember him. How will he think? What if he thinks I am rejecting him? That I no longer like him?"

"Martouf, relax. I am sure Lantash realizes that you would not be yourself, and he will understand you are not angry with him. That you are just not yourself. I'm sure he will help you through it all." Sam said, understanding his worry. In a way, it would be for him, like it had been for Sam, when Jolinar took her as host. She knew nothing about the Tok'ra, and just panicked, and fought the symbiote, to no avail. It had been a terrifying experience. She wondered how it had been for Jolinar? A Tok'ra, used to a willing host.

"I am not very entertaining company. I should go." Martouf said.

"No, please. Stay with me. You should not be alone right now. Why don't we see a movie or something? Get your mind off all of this?"

Martouf took a deep breath, then nodded. "You're right. I shouldn't be thinking about this the whole time. It's just making it worse. In a way, I would have preferred they treated me immediately, instead of having to wait.

Sam smiled at Martouf, who sat beside her in the base's small movie theater. They were watching '28 days later' - a zombie/horror film, taking place in an apocalyptic Britain. Perhaps not the best film for relaxing, but that was what they were showing, and at least it took Martouf's mind of his own problems.

She leaned against him, and he smiled at her, then put his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling content for a few moments. Yes, it was selfish, with all the things Martouf was facing right now, but she just enjoyed having him back again...or at least she would soon have him back again, when he remembered who he was, and when Lantash was again able to surface.

Sam ignored the rest of the movie, despite the fact that it was one she had looked forward to watching. She could always get it on DVD later, if she wanted. No, this was more important. She had to figure out what she felt for the man - men - sitting beside her.

There was no doubt she felt something for them...and not just from Jolinar - or if it was, did it even matter? She sighed and breathed in deep, enjoying the faint scent from him. It was very pleasant.

When Martouf suddenly leaned towards her, she felt as if butterflies beat crazily in her stomach. Then he kissed her, and it was as wonderful as when he kissed her the day before.

The kiss was soft at first, then quickly became more passionate. Sam moaned softly against his mouth, and threw her arms around him, returning the kiss.

They kissed for several long moments before he - almost reluctantly - let go. He caressed her cheek. "I do not want to forget you - but I cannot imagine I ever could."

Sam looked at him, her heart still beating like crazy, and her mind feeling befuddled. The only thing that was clear to her right now was that she loved him!