hathor_girl | Other Possibilities, PG-13, 2/?

It is late evening. I have been given something to eat and drink, but none of the Tok'ra have had the time to visit me and talk to me otherwise. Lonely, misearable, I lie down on the simple bunk and pull the blanket over me. Sleep does not come easily, but finally I drift off.

Having been exhausted, emotionally mostly, I sleep late. When I wake, Martouf appear as if from no where, bringing me a tray with food and drink. I wonder if they are watching me? He speaks little, but he does not seem to have had a good night. He stands in a corner, waiting for me to finish, mostly looking down, a sad look on his face. I guess he is thinking of his mate, Jolinar, and that she is dead. He still seems to be angry at me for betraying the Tok'ra - him. I'm not sure what he had expected, but thinking back, I realised that his somber mood had lifted when he realised I carried Jolinar's emotions - and memories.

Likely he felt that with me, not all of his mate was gone. I'm sure having me betray his people felt like a stab to his heart - not only did the stranger he had dared trust betray them, but despite me feeling how Jolinar felt for him, I had betrayed the Tok'ra. Him. It must feel a little as if Jolinar might have betrayed him. As if her feelings weren't really that strong for him. I can see how bad it must hurt. I wish there was something I could say that would reassure him.

"Martouf..." I say.

He looks at me, the cold expression back. "Yes?"

I almost loose the nerve. "Listen...I'm really sorry things turned out this way. We truly did want to ally with your peop..."

His eyes flash. "Quiet!" Lantash glares at me. "I will not listen to your pathetic excuses, Tau'ri!"

Somehow, his anger hurt. Way more than it should. I have just met him - why does it matter to me what he thinks of me? "What now?" I ask.

"I will take you to the cleaning area, if you wish to bathe. Then it will be determined how many of Jolinar's memories you carry, and if you are a threat or can be freed."

I nod. A bath would be nice - and a trip to the facilities. I tell him, and he takes me there, picking up clean clothing for me in some kind of commisary on the way.

"Eh, aren't you gonna leave while I bathe?" I ask him.

Martouf look like he doesn't understand my question. "It is my duty to guard you."

"Yeah, but can't you do that outside the room?"

Suddenly he seems to understand. "You have problems with nudity in your culture?" I nod. "I will wait outside then."

Relieved, I undress quickly and slide down into the water. The pools aren't that private, so I really hope no one else feels like bathing right now.

No one comes, though, and soon I am clean, dry, and dressed in clean - if different - clothing. The underwear is pretty standard, but I have been given some kind of dress to wear, which I don't usually. It fits me well, though. The material is soft and silky, and a nice blue colour, complementing my eyes nicely I see in the mirror in the room. I put on the flat, matching shoes, run a comb through my still damp hair, and then dump my dirty clothing in a container that Martouf said is for that.

"I'm ready." I say, and he enters again. For a moment I see the appreciation in his eyes. He clearly likes this clothes for me. Then the cold expression is back, like a mask.

"Good. We will go to my room for some privacy."

I feel myself blush. "Uh...privacy? You don't seem to have much of it here."

"We have nothing to hide for each other. However, no one will enter. They know I will be examining your memories."

Now that sounds ominous! "How will you do that? And why you?"

"With a memory recall device. And since I know Jolinar best, I am the logical choice to determine if you carry enough of her memories - and can access them - to be a threat for the Tok'ra, if you are allowed to leave. Also, I have been tasked with looking after you while you stay here, since..." He hesistates, almost looks shy, "...since you are considered to be my responsibility." He says. He looks as if it was something else he was going to say.

I wonder what? And why am I his responsibility? Because he was the one to say they could trust me, there in the desert when we arrived? Or because of what I carry from Jolinar? Because I was host to his mate? I have a sudden flash of her memories - something about the new host of one's mate becoming one's mate as well, unless one explicitly states not to want it. I feel myself blush. Did he hope for that? Did he perhaps even say that to the Council, or however this is done? Is that why I am his responsibility, because he had wanted to claim me as a mate? I decide it's better not to think any further about this.

I follow him to his room. It is nice, and I am suddenly hit by a very strong sense of familiarity, followed by a flash of memories from Jolinar.

"Beloved...we were so terribly worried. It has been so long..."

"My sweet Martouf and Lantash. You always worry so. Rosha and I can take care of ourselves. You know this." I tell him.

I lean forward and kiss him, slowly moving my lips against his. He responds for a moment, returning the kiss - then suddenly he freeze and pull away.

Suddenly I realize what I am doing, I am actually kissing Martouf! Reacting to a memory from Jolinar. I quickly step back, blushing furiously. He look at me, uncomprehendingly. Angry?

"I...I am sorry..." I stammer. "I though...I..." I look down and away. "That I was Jolinar. I don't know..."

He sighs. All traces of anger are gone. "Have this happened before?" He asks, softly.

I nod. "Yes, though never this strongly. It was as if I was back here, with you...I...I mean, as if I was Jolinar, and I had just returned from some mission..."

He is quiet for a moment. "This may be harder than expected for you." For both of us, his eyes say.

"How does this memory recall device work?" I ask, trying to change the subject slightly.

"Sit down." He points to the bed. He pulls a small table closer, with some kind of device on it. He goes to a dresser and picks up two small items. A kind of round device and a longer thingie. "There will be a moments pain." He tells me.

I nod, sitting on the bed. It is large, for a one person bed. Actually, it is just like it was in my memories from Jolinar. He probably had it all made the same way for sentimental reasons.

He gently pushes my hair aside with warm, pleasant fingers. Then he puts the disc-like thing to my head and it activates, sinking something into me, deep. I cry out.

"Sorry." He adjust something with the other device, obviously used to control it. "Please try to relax."

I crawl up into the bed. He takes the pillow and putting it behind my back and I lean against it and the wall behind it. "OK, I'm ready, I guess - just one question."

"Yes?"

"This place looks so very familiar - I realise it is because of Jolinar, since I've never been here before, but how can that be? I mean, these tunnels and this room was constructed not two days ago."

He nod. "We construct everything in the same pattern, including the interior. The Tok'ra learned a long time ago it is more relaxing and pleasant for everyone."

"Like it really is a home, despite you having to flee often?"

"Yes. A...kind of stability in an otherwise often chaotic life."

I nod. "Sensible."

"I will turn the device on now. We will be able to see everything on this." He points to the larger device on the table. "Since it can be very difficult to control and stear which memories you access, some may be of a very...private type, so I have assured no one will disturb us. He turns the device on and a kind of holographic screen appears above the larger device. It is actually fascinating, and I would like study the technology behind it. "Now, try to focus on Jolinar's memories." He say.

Chapter 3