The soul stones, PG-13, 3/?

[hathor_girl]

That night, the dreams were even more real than the other nights. The ending was different. Now I dreamt about returning to my room, after going on the mission I insisted was important enough to leave Martouf and Lantash, despite them begging me not to.

I entered my room, only to see Martouf lying dead on the floor, his head cut open. Beside him lay Lantash, dying. Inexplicably, he looks up at me with a sad look in his eyes, and says something. I lean closer in order to hear him.

"Samantha...I love you. I am sorry for what happened, but I could not stop..."

He dies, before he finishes the sentence. Who couldn't he stop? I fall to my knees beside them, cradling them, crying as if my heart would break.

Then I wake up with a scream, covered in cold sweat and my face wet. I sit in the darkness of my room, waiting for my heartbeat to return to normal.

It was a dream.

I look at the clock. It is 4 AM. I realise there is no way I am going back to sleep, so I go to my small bathroom and take a long shower.

I sit down on my bed, and look at the place in my room where I saw dream-Martouf and Lantash dead. There is no one there, of course. I take a deep breath and lie down, trying to go back to sleep.

Every time I close my eyes, I see my loved ones again. Dead. I do not fall asleep until nearly 6 AM, and it is a fitfull sleep. My clock rings at 7 AM, and I get up, feeling more exhausted than the evening before.

This cannot continue. I decide to take another look at the stones, and if that doesn't solve anything, I will ask Dr. Lam for some sleeping pills.
​

---

I repeat my experiments from yesterday, getting the same results. The stones appear to just be glass - very hard, unbreakable glass, but glass, nonetheless. They don't get warm, and they don't turn opaque.

Then I pick up one of the stones with my hands and look at it, closely. It feels warm, but I try to ignore it, deciding it must be my imagination.

Looking through it, it turns opaque, and I imagine seeing a figure in there. As I look at it longer, the figure becomes clearer, and now looks like Martouf. He smiles, then his eyes flash while I look. His mouth is moving, as if he is talking. Then he becomes somber...unhappy...his expression desperate.

I put the stone down, unable to watch any longer. What is going on? I sit for some time before I pick it up again. I need to see what happens.

It takes shorter for the figure to become clear this time, and now I can almost hear his voice. I know I must be going mad, but I cannot stop myself. I stare at the stone, as the story on it (in it?) unfolds.

"Sam?"

I almost drop the stone, then put it down, turning with a guilty look. Daniel stands in the doorway.

"Uh, hi Daniel." I give him a smile I have just plastered on my face.

He frowns, clearly realising something is wrong.

"Sam? Are you OK? I brought coffee - and I also found out what the tablet says!"

I barely hear what he says. These stones do work. I have no idea what they do or how, but they do something. I wonder why do they not show anything when Daniel touch them? Or when I do measurements? Perhaps I should try repeating the experiments while I touch them? Perhaps it is the naquadah in my blood that is somehow activating them?

"I think it is the naquadah." I tell them, watching his weird expression.

"Naquadah? What are you talking about?"

"The stones do react to something. To me. I think it is because I have naquadah in my blood!" 

Daniel nods. "Perhaps." He looks concerned. "What do they do?"

Haven't I told him? Perhaps not. I explain it to him. He looks more concerned. 

"What is it?" I ask him. 

He frowns. "The text on the tablet tells about the stones."

"Oh yeah, you said. What does it say?" I am really interested. 

"I thought it was just myth, but they are called 'sole-stones'. Apparently they make a connection between 'true mates' - and they are supposed to work across time and space."

I blush. 'True mates'. "Um, perhaps it's the truth - they seem to do something at least."

Daniel looks searchingly at me. "I didn't know you felt like that about Martouf."

"I - guess I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know myself at first."

Daniel nods. "I understand. I guess it was confusing for you." He pushes his glasses up from his nose. "Sam, according to this tablet, the stones were used to communicate - people on that planet would take one each, if they were to be far away from each other for a long time. The stones would connect them."

"But I have been having very vivid dreams when I am not touching the stones - and Martouf and Lantash doesn't have one - they're dead, even!"

"Yes, in the present, but not in the past. For 'true mates' the stones connect through both space and time! And you only need one of the them to have a stone for it to make the connection. Sam, it imprints on you!"

"It's - impressive. And I think I understand, but what I don't understand is that it doesn't show me something that actually happened! It shows me something that could have happened!"

"It connects through time and space - why not to other close realities also, perhaps? Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it actually does. And my mind tries to make sense of all these signals, leading me to see Martouf and Lantash trying to tell me something - telling me not to go."

"If I understand what it says on the tablet correctly, you need to allow the stones to complete the connection, or you will continue to have those dreams."

I shudder. That would make me go crazy. "OK, let's see what happens then." I pick up one of the stones again. "Keep an eye on me, will you."

"You can count on it!" 

​

---

I sit for a long time, staring at the stone as it changes, the mist in it slowly coalescing and becoming Martouf and Lantash. Then I see me as well. I can see them talking. I can almost hear it. Then the scene changes, and I see another version of Martouf and Lantash - and me. Then another, and another...it keeps changing. In some scenes I think I am still host to Jolinar, in others to another symbiote, in yet others we have children. 

I realise the stones are showing me possible alternate realities - or perhaps actual alternate realities. It is as if it realises I am aware of this, for now the scene changes again, focuses on a reality I - somehow - know is this. 

Or should be this, because Martouf and Lantash are alive and well. They are with me, smiling happily as they lift up our youngest child. The child laughs, and I see - Lantash? smile broadly at her. I stand beside them, looking happy. Our son is there as well, looking to be about 6 years old. He has a gorgeous smile, much like his fathers. 

I feel a pang of regret, as I look at this happy scene. What should I have done different for this to be real? Could I have done anything? 

The stone senses my question, and change again. Now I recognize the scene. Martouf - looking so sweet and shy - is telling me he has become 'fond' of me. I am locked up in a room with guards outside, because they think I am a zatarc. Of course it was Martouf who was the zatarc, but I could not have known, could I?

Though, perhaps I could - he calls me Sam. He don't do that normally. Always Samantha. I remember wondering about it for a moment, but then forgetting about it, because of all the stress then. 

I watch as the scene plays out, finally ending in Martouf being shot as a zatarc. The Tok'ra take him away - it is not me that leaves, he is forced to leave. I see myself not wanting to let go of him, knowing they have to take him, if Lantash is to have any chance at healing him. 

I remember not wanting to let them leave, wanting to go with them. Why didn't I? The stone zooms my attention on me - then. Why didn't I go with them? Would it have made a difference if I had?

Perhaps. They could not have ignored me if I was in the tunnels while Lantash tried healing Martouf. I could have kept them under observation. Insisted on being there for any examinations and decisions. 

They would have let me. Especially then, before so many Tau'ri-friendly Tok'ra had been killed. While Selmak had a lot of clouth in the council. 

That is what I should have done! I hear - faintly - Lantash's voice. "Don't abandon us, my Samantha..." 

​

---

I slowly come back to reality as the mist in the stone again covers everything. It has shown me what it wanted. Now the rest is up to me. How do I fix this? Can I? 

"Sam?" Daniel ask me, worried. "Are you ok?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think so." I realise there are tears in my eyes, and I wipe them away. "Did you see any of it?"

"I saw figures move as if in a fog, but nothing clear. I kind of assume it was different for you?"

I nod again. "Yes, very." I tell him what I saw. 

Daniel is very quiet. "Do you think it will stop the dreams?"

"I hope. Because I doubt there is anything I can do, short of time travel." I laugh a little bitterly. Why did this even have to happen? I did not need to know there was actually something I could have done to make this different. "I feel exhausted. I'm going to bed."

"I understand. Sam, I'm here for you if you need to talk. You know that. Always."

"I know." I smile at him. He is a good friend. It would be so much easier if I loved him the way I love Martouf and Lantash. For one thing, he is alive. But one cannot control ones feelings. 

I go to bed. Hopefully, this has at least laid the demons to rest and my mind will allow me to sleep. Peacefully. 

​

---

It turns out my hopes of a peaceful night were futile. My dreams were worse than ever, and I awoke bathed in cold sweat and my heart beating like crazy. It took several long deep breaths to steady myself, and I lied down again. I tried every meditation trick I had heard from Teal'c, but I just could not go back to sleep.

I looked at the clock. 4 AM. I sigh deeply and get up and shower, then dress. I go to the mess hall and sit down with a cup of coffee. No reason to kid myself any longer.

As soon as it is officially morning, I go to see Dr. Lam. She yells at me because she is concerned.

"Why haven't you come to see me before? You're a wreck!"

"Gee, thanks!" I give her the evil eye. As if I didn't know!

"How long has it been since you slept well?" She sounds kinder now.

"Weeks, almost a month." I admit.

"Why haven't you come to see me?"

For a moment I wonder the same, but I know why. I don't want her to put me away somewhere with soft walls. Then I will never resolve this, and quite possibly go crazy. I can't tell her that, though. 

"I thought I could handle it on my own."

Lam snorts. I guess she's heard that before. From all of us. 

"Just give me something to sleep, and I'll be fine." I tell her.

She looks at me, clearly not believing me. She sighs, giving in. For now.

"OK, but if it doesn't get better in a week, I'm expecting you back here - with a full explanation."

I nod, and take the pills. I just need to get through today, then I can sleep. Hopefully. 

​

---

 

With the pills I quickly fall asleep, but then the dream comes. When finally I do wake from them, I see the time is 5 AM. So the pills let me sleep another hour, but somehow I feel even more drained. The dream-phase seems to have lasted most of the time I slept, though I know that should not be the case. Is the stones still messing with my mind? 

Did they alter me permanently? I consider going off-world, since at least usually sleep there. Then I get an idea. I will see if I can find an excuse to go back to P5X-734. If they made these stones, then perhaps they also made a way of stopping their effect. 

Otherwise I'm so screwed! 

I stumble through my morning rituals and soon I am sitting in the mess hall again, with yet another cup of black coffee in front of me. I have also gotten a piece of toast, which is sitting on my plate, staring offendingly at me. 

I can't remember when last I was able to eat. This is killing me! 

"Hi." Daniel sit down in front of me.

"Hi." I look at my watch. 6:30 AM. "Wow, you're early."

"So are you." He observe. "Didn't the pills work?"

"Some." 

He looks at me with concern. "You still had the dreams, though."

"Yeah."

"Sam...this can't continue. You look pale and harried! You can't keep this up!"

"What do you want to do? I was thinking of finding an excuse to go back to P5X-73...maybe find some cure there."

Daniel nod. "That's actually not a bad idea. And I'm on a group that's going there tomorrow. We can see if we can get them to send you. As protection or to help with something - science-stuff. We only have archaeologists on the team. I'm sure a astrophysicist and computer wizz would be a boon."

"Thanks, Daniel. I hope you can convince them."

I stumble through the day. Fortunately, Daniel inform me they accepted that I can come with them. It is good SG-1 is still on stand-down for a few days. Tomorrow we're going to P5X-734 - and I will find a way to fix this. One way or another!

chapter 4