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hathor_girlAs I sit in their infirmary and think, I notice Tok'ra coming and going to one of the other rooms. I suddenly remember Selmak and...and...Saroosh! We were introduced earlier. Selmak is dying and need a new host. I wonder if it would help the chances of an alliance if we got her one? Somehow I think we would need to do more than that to convince the Tok'ra to ally with us if I tell them to remove Jolinar and let her die!
I think of my dad, and wonder how he is doing. Will he be all right?
Suddenly, Martouf comes into the room again. I thought he had decided to stay away, so as not to sway my decision?
"Samantha." He sighs. "Another of your teams came through. Someone calling themselves SG-2. They bring news important for you, and I thought you should have it."
"What?" I ask, my heart suddenly beating very fast. Worried.
"It is your father. He is very ill, and dying. They wished for you to return immediately, to see him."
"I must go immediately!" I say, terrified. I get up.
Martouf shake his head, sad. "No, Samantha. Garshaw will not let you leave. Not with a living, but badly injured and unconscious Tok'ra in you. She - and the rest of the Council - fears for all our safety. You obviously do access some of Jolinar's memories, since you found us." He smiled shyly. "And you feel some of what Jolinar feels, for me. If you are blending, however unwittingly, you will know a great deal about the Tok'ra, very soon."
"And you can't risk that!" I feel like kicking the nearest chair, but it is made of crystal and rock-hard, so that would only accomplish me hurting my foot.
"No. I am sorry, Samantha."
I take a deep breath, then suddenly it hits me. "Dad can be a host to Selmak, perhaps. She can heal him, can't she?"
"Possibly, if his illness is not too far progressed. Do you believe he might volunteer?"
"I honestly don't know. Maybe. I'd like to give him the opportunity to chose, at least."
Martouf seems to consider it, then nods. "I will talk to the Council."
With the promise of a possible host for Selmak, the Council and Garshaw agrees, and soon I find myself going to Earth to talk to my dad. I am not going alone. The Colonel is coming with me, as is Martouf/Lantash - to help protect me? Jolinar? Tok'ra secrets? I don't know. I really hope they're not going to capture him at Stargate Command. It's not a place like what the Tok'ra re used to, and there is not really anything Martouf can do to protect me.
Just as we are about to walk through the Stargate, O'Neill stops us. "Listen. I don't know what the hell is going on, or why we haven't been allowed to talk to Carter - or even what you are doing here!" He looks pointedly at Martouf. "However, I do know one thing. The snake in Carter is apparently still alive, somehow. That means the NID - that's some bad guys on my world - are going to be really interested in getting their hands on her. None of us wants that, so for now we are keeping our mouths shut about Jolly's survival. Okay?"
"I understand, sir." Martouf says.
"Good. And you tell Hammond you're an official representative immediately, if you don't want to be the NID's next desirable object! And don't let the snake come forward unless asked to, okay?"
Martouf frowns, but seems to understand. "As you wish. It is your world."
"Good. Then let's get going!"
It went surprisingly well - no one discovered Jolinar, Martouf and Lantash were also not discovered or captured, and my Dad agreed to come talk to Selmak and consider becoming a host. General Hammond even agreed to it!
When we stepped out from the wormhole on the other side, back on the Tok'ra planet, we were surprised that no guards met us. Martouf looked very concerned, and we soon learned he was right to worry; the Tok'ra were evacuating since Goa'uld System Lords were on their way to attack.
Martouf took me and my Dad to the healer's rooms, while O'Neill left to help with the evacuation, as that was what SG-2 and Daniel and Teal'c were doing. Maybe this will increase the chances that we can get an alliance? If Dad decides to be host to Selmak, I'm sure that will help too!
With all of this I don't exactly have a lot of time to think about what to do.
Dad has decided to become Selmak's host. I'm happy, but worried. Selmak is weak from keeping Saroosh alive, and can't promise they will survive, but at least Dad has a chance this way. I refuse to think about the fact that he will be Tok'ra, I'm not ready to think of that yet.
O'Neill discovered a spy, Cordesh, and the Tok'ra are grateful for that.
Now the last of the evacuation is going on, and people are leaving. Selmak is still working at healing Dad, and can't be moved. What she needs to do is not something that can be helped with a healing device - though I guess they could re-infuse her with some extra strength with it or so. However, apparently the fact that she is not yet blended with him means it is dangerous. Some of their best healers might just be able to pull it off, but everyone is evacuating.
Everyone but Dad and me - and Martouf/Lantash, who kindly has offered to stay and keep guard, should the Goa'uld arrive before Dad is healed. There wouldn't be a whole lot he could do, if more than a few Jaffa arrive, and I don't understand why he will do this for us. He even offered to stay and let me leave. I suppose he is just a very nice and sweet man.
I feel bad about even considering having his mate removed - and condemning her to death. I'm not sure I can do it, but if I don't, I'll almost certainly be a host, permanently. Can I handle that?
Not only would I be a host, share my body with another lifeform - someone who is biologically Goa'uld, and whom I know can do all a Goa'uld can, whether she would normally want to or not - but there is also Martouf and Lantash. I would be their mate. Lantash has already told me they would accept me, so that would not be a maybe.
Can I handle that? I throw a glance at him. He looks cute, despite the worried look on his face. Cute and sad. He is of course concerned the Goa'uld will arrive before Selmak heals Dad. Also that the fate of his mate will soon be determined, by someone coming from a people who obviously does not feel being hosts is something they usually can agree to.
Then it hits me. That is not all. They are not only worried for the possible death of their mate - they are grieving the death of their other mate! Rosha! Regardless of what happens, she is dead, and here he is sitting, keeping me comfortable!
"Martouf?"
He turns to look at me. "Yes, Samantha?"
"I'm sorry... about Rosha. I never met her, I wish I had."
He nods. "Thank you. We were thinking of her. Her and Jolinar, and our time together."
I feel terrible for not thinking of that - for being the one not thinking of the host! My heart aches for Martouf and Lantash, and I want to go throw my arms around him and comfort him. But I don't. I feel too awkward and unsure - and like I would be intruding on a private time. Besides, how can he treat me so civil? For all he knows, I am plotting the death of his other mate right now!
"Martouf..." I get up and take his hand. "I..."
Before I have a time to say anything else, Dad - or Selmak - awakens and sit up, looking around.
"Should we not make our escape?" Selmak says.
Martouf smiles. "We should."
"Wait..." I know it's silly, but I need to know. "Is my Dad in there?"
Selmak bows her head, and soon my Dad looks up. He looks confused, groggy, but it's him!
"I'm here, Sammy. Oh man, talk about your hangover."
"How are you Dad?"
"I'm awful. Headache the size of Kuwait. There's too much stuff in here."
Ah, he and Selmak has blended. I haven't felt like that, but then I was healthy when Jolinar took me, and the memories have more like just flown into my mind. I get memory flashes though, and sometimes I'm uncertain what is me and what is from Jolinar. Who am I kidding, that's how it is much of the time! Maybe it would help if Jolinar was back with me, conscious and helping me? Would I know which memories where which then?
"Careful!" I say, as Dad gets off the bed.
"Whoa!"
Is something wrong? I feel alarmed immediately. "What?"
Dad just laughs and jumps up and down a little, shaking his hands.
"No more arthritis! Holy Hannah! No more arthritis!"
Several explosions can be heard, and I'm guessing the Goa'uld will be down here soon. We all look up. We better get out of here - and soon!
"We should make our leave as soon as possible. This way." Martouf says.
We ran through the collapsing tunnels, and got to the ring transporters, and used them to go up. Strangely, they disintegrate now. I wonder if Martouf has given some command for them to do that?
Quickly, we run to the Stargate, and dial out - to Earth! I tell the others to wait, and send the signal with my GDO, then we go through. Or rather jump through, as deathgliders fire at us.
We're not hit, but it's still rather painful to tumble down the hard metal ramp at Stargate Command. I really wish they'd put something softer here!
Dad - no, it's Selmak again - goes to talk to General Hammond. Apparently the Tok'ra needs to go to their new world, and finish the construction of the tunnels there, then move on to a world Cordesh did not know of. That makes sense, I guess.
But what about me? Do I stay here, or do I go with the Tok'ra? I need to tell Hammond about Jolinar, I guess.
Dad has offered to be a liaison between the Earth and the Tok'ra. Him being with the Tok'ra...it's perhaps one more reason I might consider going there. I would like to talk to him some more. I almost lost him, after almost not talking to him for years. I decide I need to go with the Tok'ra - at least for a while, until I have decided what to do. I turn to Martouf.
"Martouf - I need to talk to General Hammond, and explain to him about Jolinar...and ask for some leave. I'm coming with you guys, until I can figure out what to do. Is that okay, you think?"
"I am certain it is. You are - at least for now - one of us. However..." He frowns. "We must leave quickly, I do not know if there is time for you to converse with your leader. I shall confer with Garshaw."
I nod. "Okay." While Martouf goes to do that, I approach Hammond, feeling very unsure how to say this. "Sir?"
"Captain." He acknowledges.
"Um, can I talk to you - privately?"
He gives me a look that tells me he finds it strange, but he nods. "Come this way."
It was difficult to get Hammond to accept that I needed to go with the Tok'ra, but finally he understood my problem, and I have been allowed to leave with them. I just need to find my team, tell them what this is all about, and ask one of them to water my plants. At least my cat is not a problem - it's with the Tollan.
When I return to the gateroom, all the Tok'ra have left, except for Martouf/Lantash, who are talking to my team members. Uh-oh, O'Neill is not looking happy, and then I hear Lantash talking to him.
"Samantha told me she wishes to accompany us, and remain with the Tok'ra until such a time when she has decided if she wishes to remain a host or not. Truly, it is the only rational decision, as the healers would have to help her, regardless."
"Why would she even consider remaining a host? How difficult can it be? She want the thing out, of course!" O'Neill exclaims. "Who in their right mind would want to be a host, if you're healthy and don't have to?"
"Jack..." Daniel tries to reign in O'Neill before he insults the Tok'ra further.
Lantash glares at O'Neill for a moment, then bows his head and gives Martouf control.
"I would like to point out that I was completely healthy when I choose to become Lantash's host!" Martouf looks at least as angry with O'Neill as Lantash.
I hurry to approach them. "Um, hi guys! Uh, thanks for waiting for me, Martouf - or what did Garshaw say?"
He takes a deep breath, and his expression softens. "Hello, Samantha. Garshaw agreed with your suggestion, though she and your father had to leave. I remained behind to take you to the new Tok'ra base. Are you ready to leave?"
"Ah, yes, soon." I give my friends embarrassed looks. "I just need to talk to my team."
"Carter! You can't seriously be considering remaining a host! What did they do to you? I mean, last we checked, Jolinar was dead, wasn't she?" O'Neill demanded.
"Um, we thought she was, but apparently she's not - and she's slowly healing. Listen, it's a long story, but please understand that whatever I decide, I need the Tok'ra healers to help me."
"Yeah, Martouf explained most of it, and it makes sense you need to go and have them remove the symbiote - we just didn't know what to make of it all when Martouf said you weren't sure you wanted it...her removed. If you really meant you'd maybe be...Tok'ra." Daniel said, looking completely uncomprehending. Which made sense, given what happened to Sha're.
"I'm not sure it's a good idea you go on your own. I mean, we...I guess...trust you." O'Neill looked pointedly at Martouf. "But you can't claim to be exactly objective about this - I mean, Jolinar is one of your kind."
So Martouf hadn't told them Jolinar was his mate. Probably a good idea. "My Dad is there too. If you don't trust the others, you do trust him, don't you?" I ask.
"Yeah, yeah sure."
"Listen guys, I really need to do this, and I think I need to do it on my own. I promise to contact you as soon as I've figured it all out, okay?"
"Of course, Captain Carter." Teal'c says. "We will support any decision you make."
"Thanks, Teal'c." I sigh. "Um, can you guys look after my house...my plants and stuff? Just for some...weeks?" I look at Martouf.
"Regardless of your choice, it will not take longer than that." He confirms.
"Okay. Weeks, then. I need to go get some clothes and other stuff, and then I'm ready to leave." I tell Martouf.
"There will be clothing you can use at the Tok'ra base." He looks at me, "But I understand if you wish to bring some of your own things."
It is almost evening when we are finally ready to leave for the Tok'ra. My team members are not. happy. and I'm feeling awkward and sad. It feels final, even though I know it's just for a few weeks. I'm not leaving Earth, I'm just going...to live with some aliens on their base for some time. Some aliens which are able to take you over so you never surface again! Of course, I know they would never do that! I reprimand myself.
I look at Martouf, and my heart beats faster as he smiles at me. He will be there with me. I sigh. Jolinar's feelings or my own - it feels like I am falling in love, and I don't want to.
Cassandra was unhappy when I told her I was leaving, even if maybe only for a few weeks. Janet told me to be careful, then smiled and told me that I needed to know for myself what I wanted. She then teased me with Martouf - how did she pick up on that so quickly? I barely know myself that I am falling for him!
I shake my head at myself, then turn to Martouf again. "I'm coming."
"Is this the Tok'ra base world?" I ask, looking at a fairly lush forest.
"No, this is merely a stopover world. I am sorry, but the world the base is on is secret, and the Council does not yet feel your people can be trusted to know of it. He looks embarrassed. "Also, I must ask you to wear this." He shows me a blindfold. "If you decide not to remain Tok'ra, it would be safer for all of us, including yourself, if you do not know the address."
I sigh, but I guess I understand. "Okay." I let him put the blindfold on me. He checks that it is covering my eyes completely, then take my hand and lead me to the DHD. He dials, then we walk through together, him leading me.
When we have stepped out on the other side, he again removes the blindfold. "We have arrived on the world of my base."
"Okay..." I look around at dunes, and some large rock formations.
"The planet is called Vorash." Martouf tells me.
I nod. "Okay." I feel stupid. Why can't I think of anything better to say?
We have only walked a short distance when guards jump up from the ground and surround us.
"Greetings. Welcome back, Martouf and Lantash." A young man says. He has blondish hair, and I have a vague feeling I know him.
"Hello, Aldwin. This is Samantha, currently host to Jolinar." He introduces.
Aldwin bows his head. "Hello, Samantha, and welcome. The healers are expecting you." He hands Martouf a small device.
Does the whole base know? I wonder how my Dad reacts to all of this!
"Um, thanks. And hello, Aldwin." I nod at him, and at the other Tok'ra guards, and they return my greeting.
The guards go back to their hiding places, and Martouf takes me to the ring transporter. This time I notice the distinct naquadah signature, and I have some idea how they know where the entrance is. I am guessing the device Aldwin gave Martouf, controls the ring transporter.