Other Possibilities, PG-13, 5/?

[hathor_girl]

 

Much has happened the last several hours. They found a long range communications device among Cordesh's things, and he confessed. A new base planet was choosen and the Tok'ra has relocated there. Cordesh has been extracted and killed in a vanishing tunnel, much to Lantash chagrin, who wanted to kill him with his own hands. Cordesh's poor host was innocent, but felt guilty, and killed himself. The Tok'ra are mourning him - and what Cordesh was before he was turned, however that happened. 

The Tok'ra are no longer angry at me, grateful I found the traitor for them. I am much relieved. This does not mean they trust me yet, but that has more to do with the fact that I am an unknown factor. Since I carry Jolinar's memories, they will not let me leave, so unless we can contact Earth again and I can somehow get them and the Tok'ra to agree on an alliance, then I will likely stay here for the forseeable future. Right now, my best chance at ever being allowed to leave the base, is to become a host, and I'm not sure I am ready for that - if I ever will be. 

It is early evening. I am considering going to bed early - it's not like I have anywhere to go, anything to do, or anyone to talk to - except Martouf and Lantash, who, like all the other Tok'ra, are busy putting their few possessions up in their room again and somehow getting everything to look the same again. Home. I can understand their need for it. It is a hard life they are living. 

Home. I miss the SGC, but part of me also feel at home here. The part of me that is Jolinar. I am confused. I very much want to go home - but I also want to stay. 

I know why. I am falling in love with Martouf and Lantash. I realise part of it is from Jolinar, because when I am with them, the feelings are overwhelming, and they shouldn't be this intense already, should they? I want to hug them, kiss them, push them down on a bed and have my way with them. I blush at the thought. 

Does it matter where the feelings originated? If I am honest, Martouf - and Lantash - have many qualities I like. Martouf is sweet and kind, good looking, intelligent, wise, generally very patient...Lantash is more passionate, less patient - much less patient, sometimes fiery, but he is also a sweet and kind person, and very intelligent, when he is not allowing his temper to rule him. His fire scares me - and attracts me.Together, they are incredibly sexy. They are somehow the sweet and good guy you can take home to your parents, combined with the bad, dangerous guy that you can feel a forbidden attraction to. And then, they are both dedicated to fighting a self-less, dangerous battle for the good of the Galaxy. On top of that, I have Jolinar's memories of their...prowess...and oh, god. They are wonderful lovers, thoughtful, passionate, talented...I feel my heart beat faster and heat got to my loins, as I relieve a memory from my former symbiote. 

How can I not want them? 

Yes, I know. Martouf is from a completely different culture - born on another planet. But he seems very willing to be tolerant of other customs. Lantash is not even human - or humanoid. He is the same species as the Goa'uld, and it should scare me. 

It doesn't. If anything, living here with the Tok'ra show me that the symbiotes are very much like we are. Their dreams, desires, wants, feelings...very, very human. And when Lantash flashes his eyes, when he talks with that deep, reverbating voice...a part of me is very attracted to him. Yes, it may be embarrassing, but I must admit I find it sexy. His voice make me weak in my knees and wet between my legs. 

I should be ashamed of myself for wanting him like this. He has just learned that his beloved, his mate of a hundred years, has been killed. He very often looks so sad that my heart is breaking for him. They mourn, both of them. 

And while it was an ashrak that killed Jolinar - and Rosha, if I remember correctly - we, the SGC, cannot completely claim innocense in this. Yes, we didn't know she was Tok'ra, but if nothing else, we failed to protect a prisoner of war until we could ascertain if she could be trusted. 

How can Martouf and Lantash ever forgive that? They must blame us. Blame me, in some way. If they do not, they are more forgiving than any I have ever met. More rational, understanding. Almost saints. 

No, I cannot tell them of my feelings. Ever. 

I go to bed, but sleep does not come easy. It is late before I finally doze off. 

​

---

Days go by, and become weeks, then months. I am no longer kept in a holding cell, but has been given my own room. The Tok'ra trust me - to a degree, at least. I am allowed to walk on my own in the tunnels, but I am not allowed to go everywhere. I am not allowed to go to the surface on my own, but what would I do there? I know there are guards somewhere near the Stargate, so I would never get to it. Besides, where would I go? My team-mates took all out weapons, radios, and GDOs, so I can't go to Earth, or even contact Earth. There are no where else I can safely go either, if I could remember the gate addresses. I can remember a fair amount, but those all go to places where I would be worse off. 

Martouf is still officially in charge of me, and I also don't want him to get in trouble, if I tried to escape. He spends time with me regularly, and that is nice. Sometimes we walk on the surface, but usually we sit and talk - or play a game. From time to time other Tok'ra join in, and I have started to become - almost - friends with a few of them. 

The first few days were worst, but now I have something to do, at least. I have been given permission to work with their scientists, on a few projects - mostly technology I already know about. I have told them a little about our technology as well, and the Tok'ra scientists are more interested than the Council. Our stuff may be primitive compared to what the Tok'ra have, but there are still some ideas they find fascinating, and maybe useful, if adapted. 

I have taken to study the Tok'ra history - and that of the Goa'uld - as well. Daniel would love this stuff! The Tok'ra have collected history and intelligence from more than just the 2000 years they have existed, and there is so much knowledge here! I can almost forget how much I miss Earth and my friends.

Though not quite. I still think about them every say, and not knowing what happened to my dad is an open wound in my heart. I hope my friends were allowed to tell him - something. That he knew I thought of him, and would have visitied him if I could. But would I really have wanted him to spend his last time worrying about me? Was it better he thought I just didn't have time to visit? That is not something I want to think about. 

I have finished todays work with the group of scientists I am assisting. It is not yet noon, but they will be working on something that I don't have clearing for the rest of the day, so I guess I will have the day off. 

After a trip to the facilities, I decide to take an early lunch. I have barely entered the mess hall, before I spot Martouf, coming towards me. He is smiling, something he has started to do again, though he still often looks sad. 

"Samantha." He greets me, then joins me at the counter, looking for what food to eat. 

"Martouf...Lantash." I nod at them, smiling. My heart already starts to flutter, by just being close to them. I imagine I can feel the warmth from his body, smell his faint, masculine scent. I swallow and focus on putting food on my tray. 

"I was told you had the afternoon off. Lantash and I are likewise unoccupied the rest of the day. Tomorrow, we leave on a longer mission, but today we though maybe you would like to get outside for some fresh air? You have been here more than three moon cycles, and only been outside a handful of times."

"Yes, absolutely. That is a wonderful idea."

He nods. "I thought maybe we could go to Marloon. You have mentioned several times remembering it from Jolinar, and it is very beautiful. Would you like to see it?"

I think it is sweet he is willing to share this part of his past with Jolinar with me - and I would actually like to see the planet. Besides, I would probably be willing to go anywhere with him, just as long as I get to spend time with him.

What is wrong with me? I've never been the obsessive kind, nor the one to fall head over heals with anyone and be ready to follow him anywhere. I am far too controlled and cynical to believe in love conquering anything. Too much the scientist to let myself be swept away.

At least, that's how I've always been up until now. Or for a long time, at least. Didn't help that my one experience with love was a complete disappointment. Jonas - my once-fiancee - got pretty controlling pretty quick. The very young me had fallen pretty hard for him, but I don't think he really loved me. I think it was just ego from his side - getting the girl no one else had been able to sway. He was older than me, and seemed to know the world, and wasn't a dope like many of my fellow students at the University. At least, that's what I thought. I remember how happy I was when he proposed. How romantic I thought it was that he wanted to 'wait until we were married'.

Then he had started to treat me like I was his servant. Deciding who I could see, where and when I could go. Wanting me to change my choice of career, because it wasn't something for a nice girl like me. After spending a long, tear-ful night thinking it over, I broke off the engagement. Jonas was so angry I thought he would hit me. He never did, but I think he would have, had not one of my friends come by to pick me up. I threw myself into studies, work, after that. Of course, Jonas joined the SGC too. I did my best to keep away from him, but one day we went on a mission to stop him. Jonas had finally shown his true colours and proclaimed himself a god over the people of a planet, and was working the population to death. I remember finally seeing I had been right to break off the engagement. How could I have been so wrong? Falling for someone who - for all intents and purposes - was like a Goa'uld? 

I shake off these thoughts. They are the past. I look at Martouf, who is looking at me, some concern on his face because I haven't answered yet. 

"Sorry, I was far away." I say. "I would love to go with you." I suddenly have an idea. "Why don't we make it a picnic?"

"Picnic?"

"Yeah, bring food and spend the rest of the day there?"

He smiles. "I think I would like that. I will ask for a basket for the food."

He leaves for the kitchen, and soon after returns with a pretty large basket. We fill it with various kinds of delicious food, and several bottles of fruit juice. There is room for plates and such as well. 

"I will fetch a blanket. You should bring some kind of outerwear. Marloon is quite warm this time of the year, but it may become colder later today, and I would like to stay for the sunset. It is always very beautiful." 

I nod, stunned at his talk about sunsets, and hurry to my room.

​

---

I am wearing simple pants and a shirt, as I often do here - I have never been fond of dresses. However...I look in my closet. The Tok'ra have supplied me with a wide variety of clothes, including several dresses. I take out one of them, running my hands over the soft silk-like material. It is a deep blue, much like the dress I wore one of the first days. I remember the look Martouf sent me - it was obvious he had liked it. I make a quick decision and change, putting on the dress. 

I look at myself in the mirror in my room. The dress fits perfectly, enhancing my figure. The cut is a bit deeper than what I would usually wear, but it is by no means indecent. I put on the belt and slip on a pair of leather sandals, made of a mesh of soft leather strips. I run my hands through my short hair, almost wishing it was longer - or that I had the gold necklace I have inherited from my mother. I sigh, happy with how I look. I hope Martouf - and Lantash - will approve.

I grab a cloak in a matching, deeper blue colour and hurry to meet Martouf at the rings. 

"Samantha. You look...stunning." He smiles at me, his gaze slowly sliding from my feet over my body to my face. 

"Thanks." I blush a little under his intense scrutiny. He very obviously approves. 

I join him, stepping into the middle of the ring transporter. He stands very close to me, as he pushes the small control unit he carries. The rings come down and moments later we are on the surface. 

We walk to the the Stargate in silence. Martouf nods at the guards before he enters the address to Marloon, and we step through.

Chapter 6