Fic, Returns, PG-13, 3/?

[hathor_girl]

3.

Next day both Jolinar and I are feeling in a better mood, and I go and ask Hammond for a meeting. He is busy, but gives me a time later today, and Jolinar and I decide to spend the time talking, so we go back to my quarters after eating breakfast.

People will probably be surprised I am not in my lab on my day off, but Jolinar and I really need to talk.

Jolinar seems to have been going through most of my memories, at least concerning the Tok'ra - and the confrontations Earth has had with the Goa'uld. It is a bit disconcerting, as is the whole idea that someone else can hear my every thought.

However, to my own surprise, it doesn't actually bother me as much as I thought it would - perhaps because I have had Jolinar in my head before? Or because I now know several Tok'ra - including my dad - who seems to hand this sharing of minds just fine.

In any case, I am to my own surprise getting used to it!

Actually, now and then I've felt slightly jealous of some of the Tok'ra, for what they have. Martouf and Lantash, for instance, always seemed to be a surprisingly perfect match for each other - their differences and similarities complementing each other.

Damn, I was really trying not to think of them! I am even more affected by their loss now, with Jolinar in my head, and I feel a stab of pain.

I sense she feel my thoughts, and suddenly it is as if I am enveloped in warmth and comfort. It is a wonderful feeling, like a whole-body hug.

~That felt really nice!~ I tell Jolinar. ~Can you teach me how to do that?~

~Certainly - but I thought you wanted me out...ah...post-haste?~

~I do...but not until we've rescued Martouf and Lantash - or tried to, at least...and stop digging through my memories for Tau'ri idioms!~

~You're in love with them.~ Jolinar observes, completely ignoring my comment.

~Don't be ridiculous! They're good friends! That's all.~ I deny, not willing to admit to Jolinar how I feel for her mates. Somehow, I feel ashamed at falling for her mates. Some weird sense of betrayal, despite she not even being alive before! I can't explain it, and I don't want to try to.

~You're the one being ridiculous! For one thing, I can hear what you think - can't not when you're thinking this loud! And I'm not jealous at you falling in love with them when I was dead! Second, these emotion won't go away just because I leave you. They're you're own now, whether some of them were triggered by mine originally or not, so you can't hope for that - which I sense you hoped.~

~It would have been...easier.~ I confess. ~If I don't stay your host - and we do get Martouf and Lantash healed - then I'll see him happy with you and your new host. I do want him happy, but if my emotions will stay this strong, then it will be...painful.~

Jolinar hugs me again. ~We will worry about that if we succeed. I fear it is not very likely either of our people will agree to the idea of using the alien device.~

---

We spend some more time talking about various things, and find we get along surprisingly well.

Then the time comes to go to talk to Hammond, and I go throught the argument once more with Jolinar. I feel ready to convince him!

It turns out convincing Hammond is not a problem, but unfortunately he has been given strict orders not to let the Tok'ra or anyone else know about the device yet. The NID wants to study it first, and they have gotten the green light. A team will go there to see if it can be brought back, in one week.

I feel devastated, and so do Jolinar! After going to my quarters and spending some time there, avoiding my team mates and everyone else, Jolinar suddenly speaks.

~I have seen in your memories that your people found a drug on the ashrak...~

I know instantly which ashrak she speaks about - the one that killed her. As strange as that sounds.

~Yes? Why are you thinking of that?~

~It was what kept me from sensing him, when I looked for him at the hospital. I had a vague feeling there was something there, but not enough. ~

~We can synthesize it, but not perfectly - it would not hide you completely.~ I say, still confused what she wants to do with it.

~It doesn't have to. Actually, it would be bad if it did, as the Tok'ra are used to being able to sense you. We just need enough of the drug to hide the stronger signal from me.~

~We may be able to do it...wait! Jolinar...you're not thinking of...~

~Going to the Tok'ra and taking Martouf and Lantash? Yes, I most certainly are! If we're not allowed to tell the Tok'ra of this device - and we'll probably risk the Council telling your SGC about it if we do, especially since they may suspect who I am - then we can't convince them to let us take Martouf and Lantash to the planet you call P2X-367. ~

~So you're not going to ask...~ I think about it. It is a bold plan. ~It may work - but a lot of people will be very angry with us - and we're in a hurry too. Remember, they'll try to remove the device in a week. It will probably take two-three days to synthesize the drug and figure out the correct ratio...how will we get Martouf and Lantash out of the stasis unit? And to the ring transporter without anyone noticing?~

~We can trust Selmak, I think, especially now when she is blended with your father. She will help us - if nothing else, then to spite Delek and Ren'al - and she's never been fond of Theva either, so...~

~But will Selmak believe you are Jolinar? How will we prove it?~

~True enough. Perhaps you can convince your father you want to...ah...meditate in the room where Martouf and Lantash are in stasis?~ Jolinar suggests.

~That's an insane suggestion! Why would I want to do that?~

~Then you find a better plan!~

We discuss our plan for some time, then decide to try. I have some vacation I can take - it's not like our team have any important missions right now. We're kind of on stand down after the experience with the aliens on P2X-367.